Song Playing: "Clay"
An Original by Catherine Mulhern
EK
I went to adoration a few weeks ago searching for some kind of answer. I was getting anxious. The doctor I was seeing was expecting a huge improvement in health after about three weeks of treatment, so, of course I was too. Now it had been over a month with little to no improvement. It was starting to sink in that I had gotten my hopes up too soon again.
My plans were beginning to fall apart. And when things fall apart in the present, they seem to fall apart in the future as a result... If I'm not getting better now then when will I start to get better? I have to get better so I can go back to college. When do I get to go back to college already? Will I even be able to go back? I have to go back, otherwise I won't be able to get a degree. What am I supposed to do without a degree? And so on until I come to the conclusion that I will die completely alone with nothing to show for myself... That's how my mind works: I always seem to think that my entire future depends on what happens in the present moment, so it better go right. I knew I didn't have much choice in the matter, but I was pretty convinced it wasn't going right.
So, I entered the chapel, heart once again filled with fear and frustration, looking for some kind of motivation, some reason to get up tomorrow morning...
I wasn't sitting in the pew for long before I heard the following words so clearly: "Cling to Me and wait."
I started pondering... Cling. I pictured myself hanging on to the back of Jesus' cloak for dear life as He went about, saving souls at super speed. Nope, that definitely wasn't it... Then I imagined myself clinging to Jesus' leg, being dragged behind Him, slowing Him down. Like one of those little kids you babysit who won't let go of your leg at the end of an eight hour shift. They don't want to see you go, but you have never been more ready to leave. "More like clingy..." I thought. I certainly hope that's not it... "No, my beloved, that's not it either... You are clinging to Me, and I am clinging back."
And then I began to reflect on "wait." I had grown so tired of waiting but Christ made it very clear that I am not ready to hear the answer I was looking for. If He told me I would be better to head back to school next semester, that's all I would be able to think about. I wouldn't live the present moment well at home. If He told me otherwise, that I wouldn't be heading back to college next semester, in that moment, I would have lost all hope. I couldn't have handled it... "Don't worry, My child. I will tell you... but when you are ready."
It's pretty obvious that He still hasn't told me when I'm going to get better, but that's okay. As much as I want that moment to come, what matters most is knowing that He is with me, holding on to me just as tightly as I am holding on to Him, in the midst of every situation. I left the chapel that night with peace in my heart and a smile on my face because that is exactly what He made clear with those five simple words... "Cling to Me and wait."
"Cling To Me And Wait"
Painting by David Bowman
To see more art go to www.davidbowman.com
And then I realized... it's an embrace! Christ is sending me a huge bear hug in the Eucharist! He knows how much I love hugs, especially when they come from Him! He wasn't giving me an answer of when I would be better, which I was originally hoping for, but instead He was reminding me that, no matter what is going on, whether my plans follow through or not, now and in the future, He will always be with me, with arms wide open. When I am in His embrace, no matter the situation, I can be at rest. His is an embrace of hope and an embrace of peace...