"You call me out upon the water. The great unknown where my feet may fail." This is the most terrifying invitation I have ever received. We all took that first step out on to the water when we made the decision to walk the journey of our lives with Christ, but now, everything human in me is telling me to go back. I am out in this abyss of water where "my feet may fail." If I can't control my own feet, then what can I control? Not being in control is terrifying. And if my feet fail, I will fall, and I will fall hard. My natural inclination is to not take the risk. I think, looking into the unknown, all of us would rather stay on the boat than risk the possibility of drowning. And yet, we all took that first step... 

         So here I am out on the water, terrified yet again. I don't want to fall. I have fallen so many times these past two years... Whether it is my fear, my frustration, or my hopelessness that trips me up, I always fall hard. And every time I fall, I feel like such a failure. Such a doubter. Such a Peter. I imagine after drowning Peter was pulled out of the water by Christ, he stood, never taking his eyes off of Christ again, and full of a new found trust, he walked across the water. I feel like every time I start drowning, Christ is there to pull me out of the water, but two seconds later I am drowning again. He proves Himself to me over and over, and yet I still continue to fall right back in the water. How frustrating. I start asking myself, "What's the point?" And I imagine, even though He loves me, how frustrating it must be for Him too... How many times does He have to save me before I get it? I should just go back to the boat...  

       And then a few days ago I had a huge realization: Christ doesn't care how many times I fall. He stands by me with unending patience, saving me as many times as it takes. The whole time as He's watching me fall over and over again, He couldn't be happier. He isn't focused on my falls, He's just proud of me for stepping out onto the water in the first place.

         I am going to fall. But that doesn't necessarily mean I will fail. I heard this quote the other day: "...if you understand failure, you won't be afraid of it anymore. Failure isn't diving on your face, or hitting rock bottom. That's just being human. You only fail when you decide to not try again. So it's entirely in your control. Once you understand failure, it's impossible to fail." (Unknown Author) That quote helped me a lot because sometimes I forget that falling on my face and hitting rock bottom is human. It's something we all go through. And it hurts. But it's how we respond that's important. I choose not to stay discouraged when I fall, but instead I ask Christ to help me get back up again. And even if I fall after two more steps, I will take those two steps.

         Nobody likes falling and the idea of drowning is terrifying, but we still step out on to the water. We will always find Christ there, and with each forward step we take, our faith will be made stronger. "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever You may call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior."